


Would It Be Enough

by mackwritesreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo Pain Train, F/M, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost Ben Solo, Force Ghost Leia Organa, Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, Inspired by folklore, Post TRoS Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey goes to tatooine, Self-Hatred, Song: invisible string (Taylor Swift), Song: mad woman (Taylor Swift), Song: my tears ricochet (Taylor Swift), Song: peace (Taylor Swift), Song: this is me trying (Taylor Swift), The World Between Worlds (Star Wars), angry rey, ben is struggling ok, but not for long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27295360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackwritesreylo/pseuds/mackwritesreylo
Summary: Rey leaves the Resistance to bury the legacy sabers on Tatooine. She decides to stay a while, and eventually she has a visitor. Maybe that visitor will want to stay forever.Tldr: Rey is fed up with how flippantly her friends handled her reaction to Ben's death, so she leaves to go handle her own stuff. BEN COMES BACK FROM THE WBW TO BE WITH HIS WOMAN.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 30





	1. Mad Woman

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy my self-indulgent Taylor Swift inspired post-tros nonsense. 
> 
> Subsequent chapters will be longer than this one, but I wanted to set the scene. 
> 
> unbeta'd we die like men

_ “It’s probably a good thing that he died on Exegol.” _

_ “Yeah, what would we do with him anyway? It’s not like we can afford to put him in prison.” _

_ “There were more important lives to save that day.” _

_ “Cool, he helped kill Palpatine. That doesn’t take away everything else he did.”  _

Rey was tired. She was so fucking tired. It had been weeks since Exegol, and the jabs against Ben still made her blood boil. It was becoming more and more difficult to be nice to these people that were supposed to be her  _ friends. _

“I’m leaving,” she said one night after dinner. She was sitting around a fire with other members of the Resistance. The New Republic was still in shambles, but some politicians somewhere were starting to pull things back together. Those at the forefront of the war were still being granted a reprieve. 

Silence. The crackle of the fire. It seemed like no one wanted to speak first. 

Finn broke the silence. “Leaving? For like, a week, or what?” 

“No. For good.” She didn’t look up. She kept her eyes trained on her rations as she continued to speak. “I packed my things this morning. I’ll be gone by daylight.” 

“Where are you going?” Poe spoke this time. 

Rey shrugged, continuing to stuff her face. “Anywhere but here. I’m no use to the Resistance anymore.” 

“Rey, that’s not true,” Finn said. His voice was reaching the point of desperation that she had wanted to hear from him for months.  _ I wanted you to care. You didn’t. You watched me stop eating. You listened to me cry myself to sleep. Nothing.  _

But Rey said none of that. Instead, she did her best to keep herself from breathing flames when she spoke. “It is,” she deadpanned, raising her gaze to meet Finn’s head-on. 

“How can you say that?” His eyes were watering.  _ How can I not say that? Look at me. I'm nothing. _

Maybe he had forgotten what happened to her. “Finn, do you remember that feeling you had? When I was on Exegol?” 

Finn’s brow furrowed in thought and confusion, “Of course I do. I thought you...” 

Rey cut him off. “I died. Like, really died. I was revived by another force user.” She was being intentionally vague.  _ How can they all possibly be this obtuse? _

Finn’s brow creased further. “Another force user? I thought there weren’t any…” Realization dawned on his face, and he let out a soft “...oh.” 

“Yeah. Oh.”  _ It’s obvious that wanting him dead has really brought you all together. I need to leave.  _

Rose piped up for the first time, stepping in for Finn while he scrambled for words. “Rey, that doesn’t mean you have to leave...we’ll stop talking about it. We won’t mention him anymore.” 

Rey laughed. “That’s worse, honestly.” She rose from her seat at the edge of the fire and walked away without saying goodbye. 

* * *

Rey was in the black by the time dawn would be rising on Ajan Kloss. She’d taken the _ Falcon _ , refusing to feel guilty for taking the ship that had been dubbed hers. 

Rey paced the galley as the ship hurtled through hyperspace. She’d set her course for a specific planet, and didn’t bother to check how long the journey would take. 

_ Am I making the right choice? What if I’m just crazy? _

She knew she wasn’t. The Force was pulling her to this place in particular. It had given her a mission. She stopped her pacing, snatched her pack up, and went to the sleeping quarters to make an attempt at sleep. In her pack she’d brought her few belongings that held any value: Luke and Leia’s sabers, and Ben’s black sweater. 

Rey pulled Ben’s sweater out of her pack and wrapped herself in it. It still smelled like him: sweat, ozone, dust, and Ben. Lately, that smell was the only thing that calmed her. She remembered other members of the Resistance telling her how angry she’d seemed since the end of the war, an observation that had only served to make her angrier.  In those moments, she’d gone to her tent and clung to Ben’s sweater with shaking fists. She’d fought, and cursed, and cried all in the privacy of her own quarters. She’d refused to show her weakness to them.

_ No one likes a mad woman.  _

Rey slept. 

* * *

It could have been hours, days maybe, before she finally heard the ship signal to come out of hyperspace. She looked out into space and her eyes were immediately drawn to the giant hunk of dirt floating in front of her. 

_ Did the Force have to bring me to a desert planet? _

She knew she’d had no say in the matter, so she set the ship to land on Tatooine. She hoped with everything in her being that this pilgrimage would help her to move on. She knew she needed to move on. 

  
_ But I know I won’t.  _


	2. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets a visit from a few friends in the WBW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, the hope begins.

Ben had been staring at the door in front of him for days, or at least that was what he thought. He no longer had any concept of time. All he knew was that Rey was on the other side of this door, and he was paralyzed. 

He couldn’t stand to see her, but he couldn’t stand to  _ not _ see her. 

He was still sitting cross-legged in front of the door when he heard the voice. It was a whisper at first, but it grew louder, and more insistent as time went on.  _ Ben… _

The blackness that had surrounded him slowly faded, replaced with a soft blue light coming from behind him. Ben wouldn’t turn around. He had to keep watching the door. 

“Ben, I know you can hear me,” said the voice. He could hear the snark coming through, and the impatience. It didn’t phase him.  _ The door. Rey. Rey is just on the other side.  _

The voice let out a sigh of exasperation behind him.“Okay, if you don’t want to talk, then just listen. Do you know who I am?” His voice had taken on a patronizingly patient tone, and normally Ben would’ve thrown the same tone back at him. He just didn’t have the energy. He was focused on the door. 

Ben shook his head almost imperceptibly. No, he didn’t, and it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the door. 

“Of course you wouldn’t. Palpatine never used my  _ real _ voice. Just the one from the modulator…” 

_ Voice modulator? _ Of course. “You’re Anakin.” It was sickeningly ironic that Ben had spent most of his life idolizing this man, and yet he couldn’t even recognize his true voice. 

“Yes.” 

“Why are you here?”  _ Why didn’t you come before?  _ The question went unasked, but was felt all the same. 

“I’m here to tell you to go home. You don’t belong here.” Anakin’s voice faltered, and shook as he continued to speak. “I tried, Ben. I never stopped trying to speak to you. If I could have saved you, I would. That manipulative bastard never would have gotten his hands on you.” 

“It doesn’t matter now. It’s too late for me.” Ben knew that he had earned this: his exile. He’d fallen into the trap and hadn’t had the strength to dig himself out- just like his grandfather. “I had my second chance, and I gave it to her. It was the right thing to do.” He knew in his gut that Rey was the real hero of this story. He knew how this was going to end for him, and he accepted it. _ If only it didn’t hurt so much.  _

“Second, third, and hundredth chances...Ben, if anyone deserves them it’s you. You have the chance I never had. You stood up against Palpatine before it was too late. You saved the woman you love, and now you have the chance to be with her. I had that, and I messed it up so, so terribly. Don’t let Rey suffer because of your self-hatred.” 

Ben let out a laugh that held no humor. Rey couldn’t be waiting for him. She’d made it very clear on Kef Bir that she only wanted him if he was Ben Solo. He still wasn’t sure if he could ever be that man again, despite what his father had told him, and despite what Rey wanted to believe of him. 

But she’d called him Ben. She’d looked into his eyes and kissed him, sealing that moment as the best in his entire life. He didn’t argue with her; he hadn’t had the strength. He greedily took whatever affection she’d been willing to throw his way. He let her believe that he was completely and totally Ben Solo. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t her problem anymore. 

She wouldn’t want this shallow, broken, deeply scarred thing that he’d become. He was no longer Kylo Ren, but he wasn’t Ben Solo either. He was nobody, sitting cross legged in front of the door that could lead him to a future that he desperately wanted, but undoubtedly didn’t deserve. 

“Open the door, Ben.” 

This voice was different. It was...but no. It couldn’t be. She’d given her life to bring him back to the light, and he hadn’t been able to fully come back. He was still fighting against the darkness, and he was unworthy. Why was she here?

“I can’t,” Ben croaked. He still hadn’t turned around. If he turned around, this would be too real. 

“Ben, turn around. Look at me, please,” her voice was pleading, but that motherly edge left him helpless to comply.

Shakily, Ben stood up. He hadn’t been able to be the dutiful son she deserved when they were alive, but he would damn sure try now. He turned and faced his mother. 

“Hi, mom…” his voice trailed off as his throat constricted and the tears started to come. Leia was cast in a blue shadow, standing next to her father. The juxtaposition was almost funny; where Anakin had been restored to his younger self in the Force, Leia was older than Ben remembered her. As dainty as she looked in age, she was still every bit General Organa standing before him. He searched for a reprimand in her eyes, but didn’t find it. All he saw was the love a mother had for her son. 

Leia’s hand reached up to touch his cheek, catching a tear before it could run all the way down his face. Despite not being able to physically feel her touch, her gesture was comforting. She left her hand on his cheek as she spoke. 

“Oh, my baby boy. What have we done to you?” Leia shook her head, and Ben watched as tears welled in her eyes.

“I did this to myself,” Ben croaked. “I’m so sorry mom…” He was breaking down now, and he couldn’t stop the torrent of tears that began to fall from his eyes as he fell to his knees before her.

“None of that, now. You didn’t fail us, Ben. We failed you. Your father and I were too blind to see it, but we failed you. We never should have sent you to Luke, and we never should have believed that Snoke had total control of you. In spite of our failure, you’ve been given a second chance, son. It’s what you deserve. Go be with Rey. Open the door.” Leia’s voice went from comforting to commanding as she spoke, but Ben still argued. 

“She doesn’t want me, mom. There’s no way she could. She’s the hero in this story. I just...I didn’t have it in me to just leave. I had to help her, and I did, but now she doesn’t have to be stuck with me. I can’t hurt her anymore. I know how this ends. I have no place in her story.” 

“Amazing. Every word you just said is wrong.” Of  _ course _ that voice would come next. 

Ben stopped talking, immediately rolling his eyes. “Well, I guess this is just a regular family reunion now, isn’t it?” Despite his melancholy, it was impossible for him to keep the snark out of his voice as he turned to Luke, who had materialized just to his right. 

“I think that would require all of us to actually be alive, kid. So far, only one of us has that option.” 

“It’s not really an option,” Ben said stubbornly. 

“You really think Rey’s the only hero in this story? You think you’re too far gone?” Ben couldn’t tell if this was a rhetorical question or not, but he turned his head away and nodded anyway. “No,” Luke said, “you’re reborn today.” 

Ben met Luke’s eyes, confusion clouding him as he tried to make sense of his uncle’s words. “That conflict in you,” Luke continued, “that’s how we know now that you were never truly dark; how  _ you _ should know you were never truly dark. We failed you, Ben. We didn’t give you the chance you deserved, but now you have it right in front of you. Take it.” Luke’s pleading tone was new. He’d never heard his uncle use such a compassionate tone, and it shook him to his core. 

“What if I take it, and she  _ doesn’t want me? _ ” Ben finally admitted his worst fear, his biggest hindrance. What if he walked through that door and Rey pushed him away? What if she was happy, and making a home with the Stormtrooper, or Dameron? What if she was glad he was dead? 

“Kid, did you miss the part where Palpatine called you two a dyad in the Force? She’ll be missing you as much as you’re missing her. Stop making her suffer because you’re too busy being an idiot.” 

Ben started to speak out in outrage at his uncle’s insult, “I’m not-”

Leia interrupted him with a hand to his mouth. “Ben, shut up. Rey believed in Ben Solo. Go prove to her that he’s not dead. Open the damn door. See for yourself.” 

Ben stared at his mother stubbornly, and then looked to Luke and Anakin standing on either side of her. They all had the same expression on their faces, one that said “we’re waiting, dumbass.” 

Ben sighed and turned away from them, taking one more deep breath as he opened the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm typically very long-winded, but this story is coming out very concisely in small snippets. Please leave comments or suggestions. I am always open to constructive criticism or questions! 
> 
> I love you all. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kayla_248)


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